Regret. The strongest feeling I
had immediately after posting my very first blog. The many who know me
personally will know how much I hate to show vulnerability and in admitting to
having an illness I truly revealed my biggest weakness. I was worried that my
brutal honesty on my ordeal would come back and bite me due to the very nature
of the subject. What I genuinely didn’t prepare for was the overwhelming
support that everyone gave upon reading it and the fact that people actually
gave positive feedback to it. My goal was to raise awareness for everyone out
there and so that when people see someone very obviously in the same situation
as myself, not to avoid them and judge them for what they have done to
themselves, but to lend a little understanding. I don’t want to come across as
bitter but I have been in a place before developing anorexia nervosa where my lack of
understanding led me to be somewhat judgemental of its sufferers. My biggest
fear is that people will treat me differently after my revelation and being
known as the ‘anorexic one’ is the last thing I want. In my recovery I want to
become the Solene I was, the Solene that everyone had got to know and therefore
this bravery comes from the person I used to be before. I won’t let the voice
hide me away anymore.
